10 BEST CADDY RESPONSES & 24 Laws of Golf
Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long, sir?”
Number : 9
Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven sir, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
Number : 8
Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir . . . . You miss the ball much closer now.”
Number : 7
Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually, sir.”
Number : 6
Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so sir . . . That would be too much of a coincidence.”
Number : 5
Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distra_ction.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch sir – it’s a compass.”
Number : 4
Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “It’s very good sir – but personally, I prefer golf.”
Number : 3
Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: “I’m afraid the way you play sir, it’s a sin on any day.”
Number : 2
Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “But this isn’t the golf course . . . We left that an hour ago sir.”
And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
Bonus . . .
An old favorite . . . about the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . .
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy . . .
Golfer: “Can you see any obvious problems . . . ?”
Caddy: “There’s a piece of s**t on the end of your club.”
The Golfer picks up his club and cleans the club face . . .
Caddy: “No sir, it’s at the other end”
THE 24 LAWS OF GOLF
GOLF LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a worse one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.
All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.
Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.
If it isn’t broke, try changing your grip.
It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
It’s not a gimme if you’re still 4 feet away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.